Another weekend has passed which means another weekend of twists, turns and dives in the English Premiere League (EPL). Speaking purely as a football fan, this is what you expect from the EPL. Title chasing at the top and a rigorous battle for fourth place and a spot in the UEFA Champions League. Since my last post Manchester City have been rejuvenated by no longer having Mario Balotelli on the pitch, winning two straight. Manchester United made things interesting by dropping points. Though the powers that be gave them a freebie by matching them up with Aston Villa this late in the season with Villa getting robbed hammered. Chelsea are stagnant, Tottenham are choking with Newcastle breathing fire down their necks.
Thanks to Grantland I decided to have a running diary during the Manchester United vs. Aston Villa/Tottenham vs. Chelsea fixtures at Thai Village. Thai Village is solid, its spacious, has a big screen and hey you can start a trend by eating Thai food while watching football. Only downside is they only have one big screen, so good luck if you have many games at the same time, which seems to be the norm these days. I remember watching the 2006 World Cup games here and it was quite fun.
The following conversation was with Omar Mohammed. Note, not everything is entirely verbatim so I may have misquoted him here and there but thats ok, he’s pretty occupied right now anyway.
Pre-Match
Ahmed: There are a whopping 2 people here at Thai Village including us three, what do you think that says about Manchester United. Everyone hates them right?
Omar: I think this is going to be a pretty interesting test for ManUnited, City is breathing down their necks with an extraordinary performance. How will United respond?
Ahmed: That’s a good point but I’m pretty distracted by this guy adjusting the projector…he almost broke his face!
Omar: I hope this game is actually competitive. This United team is the most mediocre team in MUFC history.
Ahmed: You know, every time I see Patrice Evra I can’t help but think of how he singlehandedly killed Liverpool’s season. He managed to make them seem classless!
Ahmed: You think Berbatov will make an appearance today?
Omar: Ahh, one of my favorite players. Its crazy how Ferguson hasn’t utilized him.
Ahmed: Moment of silence given after the death of Piermario Morosini in Italy (Serie B).
Omar: This is very sad, especially after Patrice Muamba’s collapse four weeks ago. You can’t say that these players aren’t going through a rigorous checkup…its just bad luck.
KICKOFF
Omar: Common Villa!! (crickets…)
Omar: I like the pace of this game, even though it’s only been a minute. This actually might be a competitive game.
Ahmed: United seem a bit sleepy, you think they were polishing their trophy before coming on the pitch?
Omar: They aren’t sleepy, they are just surprised Villa are playing hard. They have come out of the gates with some purpose.
Ahmed: Five minutes in, and United already have a penalty…
Omar: THIS IS RIDICULOUS. ONCE AGAIN UNITED GET A HELPING HAND FROM THE REF.
Goal-Rooney (7′) United 1-0 Villa
Ahmed: Well if Mwemezi is happy at least he can buy us dinner.
Omar: Villa aren’t threatening, if they don’t score by halftime this game is over.
Omar: Funny stat, Ashley Young has won eight penalties since the 2009/10 season…
Ahmed: Should he be on the all flop team with Derek Fisher?
Omar: Phew, the entire stadium just went quiet after that close call, Clark almost scored a goal…Goes to show how skeptical the fans are of this mediocre United team.
Ahmed: That’s a tough assessment, weren’t they terrible when Ferguson came in?
Omar: Yes but United should be up 3-0 right now…
Ahmed: Villa’s defense is impressive, at least they are still fighting.
Omar: Wow, Rooney was impersonating Andy Carroll. He had a clear header!!
Ahmed: Who is Andy Carroll?
Omar: (his head about to explode) Why do United always get away with bad calls?
Ahmed: How is Paul Scholes still playing?
Omar: I know right, what does it say about the EPL that a guy can come out of retirement and still play at a high level?
Ahmed: Scholes is on the floor, Omar I think you just jinxed him.
Omar: (32’) What a save! Beautiful cross by Valencia! Villa cannot concede another goal at this point.
Ahmed: (35’) Valencia blasts the goal out to left field. I think it hit Balotelli’s other car.
Omar: United are playing within themselves, Villa aren’t playing… Its just a matter of time until the next United goal comes up.
Goal – Wellbeck (43′) United 2-0 Villa
Ahmed: That was a defensive fart. Mwemezi: “Danny Boy Is Back!!!” I think I should place my order for food.
Halftime
Ahmed: Our view just got interrupted.
Omar: (somehow, the champions league final between Chelsea and United came up…surprise surprise) Why don’t United fans ever admit that your teams cheat??
Ahmed: We are now arguing whether Suarez is a cheat or not…
Omar: He did not cheat (against Ghana in the World Cup in 2010), he was sent off and paid his dues…
Ahmed: Side note at Thai Village you get a complementary mosquito spray…welcome to Bongo. Who says the service industry is bad in Tanzania, take that Kenya!
Second-Half
Omar: Rooney has the look of disgust on his face about the quality of players he has around him…
Ahmed: I know this is not breaking news but Villa is awful. I have nothing to say about this game.
Omar: Do you think the Tanzanian national team could beat Villa?
Crickets…
Tottenham vs. Chelsea (FA CUP Semi-Final)
Ahmed: Another moment of silence for Piermario Morosini…well except for some Chelsea fans…stay classy Chelsea.
Omar: Now for the real match. Lets goooo.
Ahmed: Tell me about it, I’m going to pretend that United game didn’t happen. Not too pleased that Drogba is starting. I think he’s finished. China/Russia is calling baby!!! (Note: I immediately retracted this statement).
Omar: Not sure why the volume is so low, I feel like I’m watching a movie late at night trying not to wake up my family.
Ahmed: I’m not sure why Mikel is playing, I really do not like his game.
Omar: Why do people hate on him? He has the best passing percentage at midfield in the league.
Ahmed: OK stats are good and all, but he has NO footprint on the pitch, and he always looks lost.
Omar: Drogba doesn’t seem to be interested in playing this game.
Ahmed: Every game should be a practice session for Chelsea, they need to be playing with more urgency. They are acting like they are ten points clear in the league.
Ahmed: I think Drogba is thinking about his next contract with Uzbekistan.
Omar: (fuming, head exploding) Drogba is playing like shit!!!!
Ahmed: I can’t believe I’m saying this: Torres should be on the pitch.
Omar: (fuming, head exploding…calls everyone an idiot) Lampard jamaniiiiiiii!
Ahmed: Not to bring it back to the other game, but do you see parallels with Aston Villa and the Charlotte Bobcats?
Omar: No, Bobcats are the worst team in the NBA maybe even sports….Villa are just mediocre and the game was pretty even until the cheating Ashley Young. After that, the whole dynamic of the game was changed. Without the penalty, you never know what would have happened.
Omar: Lampard has really lost his step. I wonder when Lampard realized he is no longer the player he used to be.
Ahmed: Probably when he played against Yaya Toure. I just realized we haven’t even talked about Tottenham.
Omar: (26′): Great attempt by Juan Mata, good run by Salmon Kalou. That’s the counter attacking we should be playing. Too bad Tottenham are outrunning us.
Ahmed: Isn’t it weird that both managers of these two clubs may not even be around next season.
Omar: Redknapp needs the FA cup to secure the England coaching job. It would be strange for England to pick a manager who hasn’t won anything.
Omar: WHAT A SAVE!!! John Terry!! Mr. Chelsea.
Ahmed: I’m liking how we are playing now. It took a while for Chelsea to realize they are playing in an FA Cup Semi-Final.
Omar: Tottenham are starting to play like they are in an FA Cup Semi-Final…
Goal – Drogba (43’) Chelsea 1 – 0 Tottenham
Omar: That’s why you play Drogba!!!
Ahmed: I like this, Chelsea finally realized they are playing in the FA Cup Semi-Final.
Omar: Drogba is finally pushing back a few years and reminding why he was the most unplayable striker in the EPL.
Second Half
Ahmed: Crunch time, this is where you separate yourselves from Suarez and men.
Goal-Mata (49’) with an assist from Atkinson Chelsea 2 – 0 Tottenham
Ahmed: That was one confusing goal that wasn’t really in?
Omar: This is bad, especially after Drogba’s beautiful goal, Chelsea need to score another goal.
Ahmed: Now we are gonna win with an asterix on it, which sucks…Like the Knicks making it to the Finals in 1999.
Omar: Tottenham are deflated. Our midfield are much more dynamic.
Goal-Bale (56’) Chelsea 2 – 1 Tottenham
Ahmed: Wow, way too many things just happened. Shouldn’t our goalie get a yellow?
Omar: This is a classic FA Cup semi-final. Adebayor is playing very well.
Ahmed: Too bad he has no Arsenal fans to taunt, or City fans…man this guy gets around.
Omar: What a game!
Ahmed: Gale is playing with a chip on his shoulder. Being cheated by a ghost goal does that to you.
Omar: Tottenham are indeed smelling blood. The Drogba/King matchup is intense. Spurs have some deadly subs.
Goal-Ramires (77’) Chelsea 3 – 1 Tottenham
Omar: Exquisite pass by Juan Mata.
Ahmed: Juan Mata, the only legacy left by AVB!!!!
Omar: This Drogba is the one we need.
Goal-Lampard (81’) Chelsea 4 – 1 Tottenham
Ahmed: Lampard can’t believe he just scored the goal. BRILLIANT. This is how I expect players on their way out to play…where was this in the first half of the season? I wonder what AVB is thinking right now?
Omar: Unlucky for Tottenham…
Ahmed: Wow, these Tottenham fans are just as bad as the Miami Heat fans…they are running for the exits before the game is even over! Oh well Game Blouses: 5-1 Chelsea.
